The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize