dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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