i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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