i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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