his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
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I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
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I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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