So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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