The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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