Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
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And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
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I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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