Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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