apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize