I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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