I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize