The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
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We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
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New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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