dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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