My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
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I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
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I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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