just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize