he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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