I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize