I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
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We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
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If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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