There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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