Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
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I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
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I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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