Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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