how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
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I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
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Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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