so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
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You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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