An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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