Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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