take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
They took my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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