my soul wont recognize me after tonight
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize