I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize