she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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