my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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