you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
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after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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