I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
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He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
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My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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