Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize