Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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