Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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