ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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