Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
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You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
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LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dear god my vagina.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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