Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The air was thick with penises
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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