I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
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my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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