May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
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mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
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I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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