My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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