If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
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i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
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As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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