He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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