Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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