I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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