i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize