He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize