Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
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bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
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I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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