Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize